yamanai ame da neeee

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I miss energy :(
My life is missing.
I feel disappointed with myself.
I feel like i don't deserve all that money spent on me.
I'm feeling sad cause i just screwed my paper...
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I can't wait for next thursday.
I want this to end.

Now.

Why is it that people who makes promises and screw them over and over again can manage to look so credible?
Then why is it that people who do not promise, but work in silence seem selfish?
Why make promises to others when you know you can't keep them?

Why is it that some people does nothing but gets away with it?
While others do their best and gets reprimanded for not doing well enough?

I'm sick of trying,
trying and failing,
knowing that it's never gonna work.
I'm tired of feeling like i'm not trying my best,
yet feel too exhausted to go on.

Its such a..
li bu cong xin feeling.

I hope no one else is feeling like I do.

6:07 PM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Who's nana?
Hmmm.. Tag me with your name leh..
ok ANW,
IM BACK FROM M'SIA!!!
It was FUN!
like I expected.. hahaha.. it's so sad that my brother didn't go..
It would have been alot funner with him ard..

Ok actually 'i can't exactly remember everything we did alr lah..
But the atmp there is super nice to study so i decided to do it.. and its really quite productive.. and you know the pace is so slow it gets kinda boring sometimes.. then we just play cards slack ard.. watch tv.. (van helsing is nice!)
most of the time we're just lazing in the water.. floating around and doing nothing..
Hahha.. lemme tell you what special stuff i saw there..
I saw baby sharks, a school of (I SWEAR) a million small fishes, a cuttlefish, really nice sea cucumbers, big sea oysters, disgusting mudskippers, beautiful corals, a big black-yellow-spotted eel and alot alot of fishes of all varieties.
I'm so proud of myself cause i spotted the cuttlefish and the eel!
ahahah..
The people there are nice too.. we watched soccer with them hahaha...
ok lah what else?
Basically, it's just been really great.. relaxing and all, seeing all my friends again and meeting new people..

Hai.. now i feel so i-wish-i-was-back-there.

Back in singapore, i haven't really had the chance to rest yet..
Friday i had tuition and went to study with betty, saturday was enrollment..
Enrollment was.. disappointing i guess.
Cause gwee was sick and couldn't come, it was the WORST enrollment i've ever attended.
can you believe mrs teo actually FORGOT to buy enrollment badges?!
ARGH. then she made ms kor go buy it for her.
WTHHH.. she's a horrible horrible person!
Then during enrollment they didnt ask the sec ones the usual question, and there wasn't any of that usual 'welcome' speech. ahhhh... guides is so gonna die without gwee around!
THIS IS SO SAD.
I'm witnessing the downfall of guides and i can't do anything abt it.
ahhhh.. this is like our nightmare come true can.
omgggg.

11:38 AM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I'm such a regular updater :D

I think I just got cheated of 7 bucks.
My hair is supposed to look SHORTER after the cut.

Hahahah.. my mum just murdered me when she saw my hair.

3:33 PM

Saturday, June 17, 2006

MY GOODNESS.

She changed her picture AGAIN!
Hahaha.. don't think anyone will know who i'm talking abt but.. nvm.
Maybe amanda and shu duan will know.
Heh heh.

Anw, today i've been a bad bad girl.
I woke up to have breakfast and then went back to sleep again!
Then I woke up at ard 4..
Watched Jumanji and went fishing with my dad.
Hahah.. so basically, i've been slacking.
And i'm leaving tml.. leaving half my stuff un-touched throughout the hols.
I am so smart.
Come on, tell me i'm just gonna pass my st with flying colours.

Ok to redeem myself I SHALL NOT SLEEP TONIGHT.
I bought red bull already loh
(red bull give you wingss!!)
Yep, anyone who wants to study late today can pei2 me...
but I doubt it lah. hahah..
I'm the only one who's so desperate.

Oh oh today i caught a fish!
Its quite small haha... but still, i love the feeling when your line starts to tug and the rod starts to bend..
whoohoo!
Fun fun.
My dad says he wants to go tml again.. to the beach.. so can get bigger fishes.
Yeah man. It's gonna be great, just like old times! :)
But dunno if my mum will allow not.. we all haven't packed yet.. oops.

Hai. ok.. gonna go do work..
damn my eyes feeling abit droopy already!
Oh man.
Why do i get this feeling i'll fall asleep tonight?!

11:24 PM

Friday, June 16, 2006

Few minutes ago my sister was standing at the door screaming at me, failing to achieve anything but embarassing herself.
And I was shocked when after she left my mama was like..

(in chinese) 'She getting very irrtating nowadays hor, like mummy leh! Morning nag and nag and nag.. fan si ren le!'
Me, 'Haha now you know how it feels.'
Mama, 'Why she like that ah. like old women..'

How interesting.
I wonder who the joke is on?

But yeah i wonder whats happened to her mann.
Getting very terrible.
You know she sleeps at 10 everynight cuase she's working the next day so if i wanna read on my bed I can't/
so its like the time btw i stop doing my work and wanna sleep i wonder around like some homeless crap and even took to lying on the floor in my living room.
Then nvm , that day i came back from ubin and was damn tired..
I went to sleep ard 9++..
she came in immediately aft i fell asleep and snapped on the lights and i QUOTE.
'Oh you want to sleep so early ah. I want to read.'
can you believe that?!
Just because its a saturday night and shes not working the next day she can afford to sleep late so she can't be bothered abt what i want?!
While everynight I lie ard on the floor waiting for the tiredness to set in before going into the room cause she NEEDS to sleep?!
HAve I EVER went in and did the same thing she did?!
My goodness.
And I swear its not an isolated incident.
And I realise that she can just ask me to do things without feeling bad. Think its just cause im her younger sister and have been letting her do it for 17 years.
Like we're both sitting there doing nothing she can go
'Oh can you wash that plate?'
I dunno.. just little little things like that.
What really pisses me off is her tone.
Its like she ASKS but she's not REALLY asking I mean you can't say NO to that question right.
Can't she at least say please?! Is it really that hard?!

Whats up with her mann?
I can't help but think that she isin't very willing to sacrifice for others.
(she told me she doesn't want mum and dad to stay with her next time ://////)
One word,
Selfish.

ARGH im frustrated.

(I have decided to be NICE.
But i'm still pissed loh.
Stupid women.)

8:31 PM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

hey people!

Today is the first day of the week im at home alone!
And I don't like it :(
Wish I was in sn with celebs now.
but nvmmm.. there's always next time..

Haha..
these few days were great.
I love spending time with ppl i love!
Monday went studying...
eunice ade aixin and yining..
yayyy so long nvr see them lah..
talked alot, all the funny/quirky/ordinary/sad/horrifying/disappointing things that have been happening to our so-not-happening lives.
Tuesday studying again..
then went to meet liyana amandas and shihui to buy xinyings prezzie
omg the giraffes so cute i can't stand it hahah..
Yesterday..
went for tuition with BETHIA!
Hahah.. finally i met her!
The tuition teacher is nice and scary at the same time.
Hahah.. he's too smart lah.
You know his tuition is 500 a mth!
His bro does phy for 800 a mth. :/
WHO CAN AFFORD THAT! omggg.
Ok but his good..
hmmm then we went to macs for lunch..
talked abt how our friends have changed :(
realise it's not only happening in my life..
I guess that life.
raw and prikly.
Yup. aft that i went to the lib to sit.
Was supposed to read Hmt. But in the end ended up too bored so i went to read some book.
Its so nice and so exciting!
Haha then i was so happy i found a good book..
untillll. I realise I can't borrow it! arghhhh.
My card has a $15 debt hahahaha.. oops.
I was so deep in the book when SUDDENLY, at 3.20..
amanda called to say they ended!
wah so i ran out of the lib to the shop got the cake and rannn to innova.
sweated like a mad cow and yes! i made it.
Hahah.. met alot of odac ppl on the way and was kinda awkward cause i didn't know if they'd recognise me..
goshh so i was like peering at their faces(i didnt wear my specs! haha..)and waiting for them to wave?? but they never did.
So i just sort of smiled. hahaha..
Then we celebrated er bday!
YAYYY i love it when its successful!
Calvin and Xinying so sweet lah. hahah..
aiyoh so sweet!
Hahaha.. ok yup and she was very happy and we were ALL happy!
Ok and they decided to play a cruel joke on me by putting the farewell on a particular DATE.
Trying to deny me my chance of going out right.
And having a nice day! huh!
so evil.
I swear i wont enjoy ittt... please don't torture me!
I can't say i'm a very social person.. so yup.
KEEP ME OUT OF THE LIMELIGHT PLEASE.
hope they postpone the farewell. hahaha..
But still, odac is nice.
oh we found out that e j2s wanted to come ubin with us!
So saddd.
But aiyah i was thinking if the girls dont come and only the guys..
I'd rather they not come at all.
Cause.. seriously.. don't really like some of them and don't know the other half.
SO. yes. ok..

What else?
nothing else.
Hahah.. i want to stay up and do geog notes just like in sec 3!
So funnn. but how i wish there's someone to stay up with me..
Hahah.. i miss sending messages like 'yo you still alive?' at 3am in the morn to matong yanhong diana winnie and all the other ppl who stayed up with me last time..
And then at 5am cans see the skying lightening and hear the first chirp of birds.
ohhh so nice.

Ok gtg..
Realise that i'm coming back on thurs so im gonna have to skip class outing..
so sad.. and my pw shit also.
arghhh. hate missing pw. it makes me feel bad even though its not on purpose.
but ok lah i can do the collecting results thing i guess..
At least i will contribute? HAI.

oh oh oh
I love savage garden.

Affirmation.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

It's been a long long post.

12:33 PM

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Went ubin to cycle ytd..
yayyy I think odac is so nice.
Haha.. ok even though it was less then I expected.. but I guess it wasn't that bad.
Think it was sort of the people that made the trip fun lah.
:D
hmmm..
I killed 5 mosquitoes!
Ok that's so random.
Oh yah..
they're going for FA course tml..
I WANT TO GOOO.
Now I regret not signing up for it.. haiiii.
They're gonna have so much fun with Mr dummy.
And I'll be rotting at home...
But NVM think we're gonna celebrate xinying's bday on the 14th..
so can go meet them..

What else what else?
Oh i'm trying to study geog now..
and seriously, Siva is a bad bad teacher.
Her notes like don't really make sense (bad eng, wrong phrasing, repeating of points and some of them just DOESN'T make sense)
Whats up with her???
So stupid.

Hahha.. ok lah nothing else alr.
Shall go play neopets.

4:18 PM

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Ok I just slacked my day off again.
Did nothing except to look at econs notes and realise that i don't understand..
and then I promptly fell asleep.
HAI.

Was supposed to go to school for pw consultation..
in the end i woke up at 10 to see that pw's been pushed forward to 10.20.. so yup couldn't make it lah.
So sad...
I was left to rot at home and think about her again.
Ok but it wasn't as bad as ytd alr...
Seriously i dunno how i'm gonna get over it..
HAI.

Ok i'm trying to do some econs mcq on MLG now...
Shuduan, turns out I got it leh..
means everyone will get right?
I PASSED MY TESTS OKKK.
hai.. dunno lah just do loh.
Got something for me to practise..
Ok but i'm getting kinda scared cause i dunno how to do alot.. either that or i must think alot.
Die...

And I have FIVE overdue assignments on MLG..
oops.
And 3 of it is chinese loh..
wthhh.. chinese summer test over alr.
So aiyah can't be bothered to do it man.
I'm a terrible student, but who cares man.
Oh yeah. So stop saying we like the chinese teacher.
Cause we don't!
Aiyoh seriously we don't ok..
felt so misunderstood when they said that..
This is the first time in my life i'm experiencing this lah..
I'd do my homework means I like the teacher?
What sort of theory is that?!
I'm doing it for myself ok.
Haii.. but if they don't wanna listen it won't go through no matter what i say.

6:18 PM

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

dontbedepresseddontbedepresseddontbedeppresseddontthinkaboutitdont
thinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontbedepresseddontbedepresseddontbede
ppresseddontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontbedepr
esseddontbedepresseddontbedeppresseddontthinkaboutitdontthinkabout
itdontthinkaboutitdontbedepresseddontbedepresseddontbedeppresseddo
ntthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutit.

It's gonna be alright.

Liting, I got bad news for you...
_________.

When is it gonna stop?

10:52 PM

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Looking at her in that photo.. she looks chillingly familiar.
Because I've been there too.
Same paths.. different endings.

Who ever said death was beautiful?
I never felt an emotion so complicated..
I never really knew her well, yet it just didn't feel right
I felt that a part of me just died..
No one deserves to die so young..
no one.

I hardly knew her.. but the pain i felt was so profound, so...
painful.
No one deserves to die when she was just about to experience a new life.
She's 22
Yet, she has lived enough for dozens to grieve her death.

A car crash,
a twist of fate.
So sudden, so surreal.

Will I wake up tomorrow to find that everything was the way it was?

8:51 PM

Sunday, June 04, 2006

I just fried half my brains trying to understand deceptively simple binomials.
Thanks, you ass, for frying my brains.

Now I feel brainless.

Did one question of geog 'mission posssible'
it's 16 marks.

Now I feel arm-less.

6:00 PM

Friday, June 02, 2006

Discussing abt camp now..
and we came up woth some pretty cool things.
Can't wait for camp now :)

anw, check this out people.
you'll love it.

Hahah i posted 3 times today..
this concludes that its boring to stay at home sometimes.

11:01 PM

Why am i so angry?
huh. why should i be?
HMPH. Now i got the weekend free of guides.
And thats not a bad thing ok..
anw did that test thing..

Your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

Shuduan!
You have the same results as me right!!
Hahaha.. see we're so alike.
But how come the emegenetics so diff???
That means its wrong lah.
Pls you know we did this emergentics thing..
And they said i'm the most analytical person in class.
Dexter is the most expressive hahaha..
Hai..now it feels like i'm supposed to be in sciences and not arts.
HAI.
and siying said i'm a loser.
wth i'm not loh.
I'm just nice ok!!!
just because i'm not assertive(i dont tell when im not happy) and i'm not expressive( i'm quiet)
DOESNT MEAN I'M A LOSER!
It's not loh.. :(
And the results are not totally true ok..
i do tell when i'm unhappy! and i'm not quiet lohhhhh....
around ppl i know well lah. but still!
:(((((
Don't like the results.
Oh well.
Anw, they say structural and analytical ppl like to write down their notes..
Thats their best way of rmbing..
Hahah.. so that means i've been doing it right... and i'm practical! which i am.
and predictable(hahaha..) and logical.. wah omg i sound smart.
I like neat and bright places to study in.. (no wonder im not doing well.. look at all that mess!)
Hai.. ok lah whatever. i shan't be so affected by the test results.
Oh yah i'm so insulted lah.. they said the person sitting next to you(they put us in fixed positions) is most like you.
Guess who it is?
MARCUS.
sorry, i'm not like him lah. i refuse to admit!
Hahaha..
And he asked me not to say this...
but he didn't zip his pants!! luckily he discovered it first and i ddin't see anything.
omg so sick can.
Hahaha.. but ok lah i had fun sitting next to him i guess.
ok gtg pee. bye!

11:51 AM

Guides hq contains a bunch of asses that I should never have associated with.

I damn pissed.
First they refuse to acknowledge me even though i replied they're emails(i tried TWICE)
I handed in my consent form even when they didn't ask me to
I disturbed all my friends to help me check my mail(and now there's 100 people who knows my password :/ talk abt secrecy.)
And then they didn't ask me to go for this super impt briefing.
what the hellll..
Then like a few days be4 campchal,
they send me a CAMP KIT LIST.
Was it my fault that I couldn't be bothered to try check my mail since I wasn't expecting their mail anymore?!
Is it my fault that i didnt turn up for camp NOT KNOWING that i had to go?
You know what, there organisation skills sucks.
Now their blaming me for not going.
eff you man.
I wanna quit YA.
Why did I make such a DUMB decision?!

11:19 AM